Have you heard the proverb, ‘A bad apple spoils the bunch?’ Essentially it means that it doesn’t matter how good all the other apples are; if there is a bad one in the barrel, it will affect the rest of them.
We can use this proverb as an analogy when we look at what type of people we surround ourselves with. There are several times in our lives when we may need to introduce new people into our environment, for example, if we move cities or states to go to University. This is a prime time where our choices of who we are going to live with can be so important. During our University days, the wrong roommate can be the difference between leaving with a 1st-Class Honors and going on to an incredible job or totally flunking out and not even finishing the course.
In the same way that our family and friends who surrounded us throughout childhood and during our whole life until this moment, the people we choose to become involved with now will shape our future.
W. Clement Stone said, “Be careful the friends you choose because you will become like them.” If you choose the right kind of people, you will grow and develop in incredible ways, becoming more self-assured and confident, more empathic and open to new cultures and ideas.
However, if you make the wrong choice, you could end up ‘guilty by association.’ You become tarnished by the same brush as the people you hang around with, even if you’re trying desperately not to be like them. It’s just a matter of time before the bad apple starts affecting your healthy shine. It can be such a slow process that you may not even be aware of it.
George Washington said, “Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.”
So how do we choose the right people to share a room with or share our lives with?
Well, if possible, the easiest way is to choose people who you’ve known for a while. For example, if you’re going to University and a friend from your area is going too, then perhaps you can share together? You can hang out a bit more before you go so that you get to know each other better in a few different settings or situations. You can talk about things that are important to you and ask them some questions about their opinions and beliefs. We don’t all have to agree on many things in life, but sometimes there are fundamental things that are dealbreakers when it comes to any type of relationship. If you know people in common, you could ask about their impressions or experiences of your potential roommate, as they may reassure you or give you some red flags that make you reconsider your choice.
Maybe you’re not going to get a say in who your roommate is. What do you do if it’s someone who is randomly allocated to share with you? This is often what happens when you move into a dorm in your first year. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing because one of the biggest things about University is meeting new people, and you might limit yourself if you share with someone you’ve known for years.
If a random selection is involved, you can ask that the Universe or your Higher Power manifests you the best, most appropriate roommate who will bring only positive experiences to your life. But, it’s also a good idea to have some frank discussions within the first day or two of meeting your new roommate so that you can both lay down some ground rules for how you’ll share the space. They are also likely to have their own expectations and wants for their time at University, so it’s important to reach an agreement.
It’s important to lay out what you want and what you’re not prepared to accept, but in a natural rather than demanding way. For example, if you’re not much of a party person, you can tell them that and explain that you don’t want any drug use or excessive, heavy drinking to happen in your room. You may need to agree quite times or even bedtimes if you have different body clocks. It’s about establishing respectful boundaries that work for both of you, making sure you have the best time at University.
If you do, unfortunately, end up sharing a room with someone of bad character, seek other sources of support. For example, there may be social groups of people who have similar interests or personalities to you who you can spend time with. It’s important not to feel like you can’t be in your room or use your own space as it’s your home, so if this is the case, it’s advisable to speak to a member of staff about your problem.
If you connect with a positive, like-minded group of people, they will help you find solutions to your problem, and you may even find a perfect roommate in and amongst them. The Universe may present an opportunity where you can move dorms and move away from the bad apple. Always remember that ‘just because you find one bad apple, it doesn’t mean you should give up on the whole tree’. But it’s better to avoid sharing a room with one!
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